


Stay With Me and I Can Breathe

by Laurexlawnn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Body Positivity, Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, Crying, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Normal Life, Oneshot, Sad, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, They're just normal people, body negativity, domestic AU, self-projection whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:26:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurexlawnn/pseuds/Laurexlawnn
Summary: Viktor comes home to an upset Yuuri and he doesn't understand why. Things escalate and the unexpected ensues.





	Stay With Me and I Can Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Surprisingly, though I named it after the song Stay With Me by Sam Smith, I listened to Lay Me Down (also by Sam Smith) while writing this and actually referenced it as a much more fitting song for this work, in my opinion. I definitely self-projected as Yuuri to an unhealthy extent, but it’s probably fine. Please let me know what you think ':). My Tumblr is hgranger414 if you want to check it out.

Viktor let the door click in place, careful to not make much noise as he set the groceries on the counter. He toed off his shoes and padded around the house. It had been a long day, Viktor volunteering to run errands for the day while Yuuri took a nap and finished up some leftover writing commissions he had put off.

“Yuuri?” he called softly, peeking into the bathroom. The apartment stayed eerily quiet, save for the floorboards groaning under his feet as he walked.

He reached the door to their bedroom and traced the grain of the wood with his eyes before reaching hesitantly for the handle. He paused, holding his breath, still enough to hear the remnant of a sniffle on the other side of the door.

“Yuuri, is that you?” he solemnly called out. There was a beat and then a heavy, shaking sigh. Viktor set more weight on the handle.  
“Yes.”  
“Can I come in?”  
“No.”

Viktor toyed with the hem of his shirt and leaned his cheek against the cold wood.  
“Is something wrong? Are you hurt?” worry played in his voice, a tightness wrapping and piercing through his neck.  
“No, I just―” Yuuri hiccupped― “It’s nothing, really.”  
“Baby, of course, it’s something. If it’s bothering you, it will help to talk about it.”

A pause.

“It’s stupid. And pointless― hic― And crazy.”

Slowly, Viktor opened the door, leaning into the room and adjusting to the darkness inside. The curtains were closed, completely submerging the room in darkness. Yuuri’s small figure, which had been curled on the bed with his knees pulled to his chest when Viktor walked in, moved to the other side of the bed and curled up on the floor. His position made him look as small as he could, his face embarrassingly hidden between his knees.

Viktor crossed the room, taking large strides to Yuuri’s side within seconds. Despite being wrapped in many layers of tops and shawls, he crouched to Yuuri’s level and crossed his legs on the floor. Viktor never claimed to be the best at understanding people, but he at least prided himself on knowing how to deal with happiness and mostly anger (Yuri had given him enough chances to learn).  
But he had never had to handle other people’s sadness, only his own. He was a silent contemplator when he was sad. He hadn’t even cried since his first dog had died when he was 7, or at least he couldn’t remember. And Yuuri confused him, greatly in fact. Because he seemed to always harbor some deep, negative emotion, even in his smiles. How can someone always be sad?

“Talk to me, Lyubov moya.”  
“It’s really nothing―” a wet sniffle―“I don’t know why you care so much.”

Viktor tentatively brushed a finger against his collar, feeling Yuuri’s muscles tense and shiver. 

“Look at me. Look at me, Yuuri,” he said. Yuuri shakingly looked up through his fingers, his hands now pressed over his face. He took an unsteady breath in. “How can you think I don’t care? What bothers you bothers me, don’t you understand that?”

“Why haven’t you left?”

Victor stared at him, shocked.

“What?”

Yuuri finally fully looked up and wiped at the snot and tears of his face with the side of his hand. “I don’t know, you’re just― you’re just still here. And I don’t know why.” 

They had been dating for two years now, long after they met in a local cafe. Yuuri had offered him a seat by the sunny window upon Viktor walking in an realizing there were no vacant tables.

They had agreed to hang out more often, keeping up with each other’s lives and visiting various shopping centers and theatres together. Eventually, the friendly time spent with each other grew into romantic scenes of sipping shakes and Yuuri lazily reading under a tree with Viktor comfortably resting on his chest.  
It was common to find them in the park a few blocks from Yuuri’s apartment, even in the cold. They nuzzled up to each other under an umbrella in the rain while talking on a park bench, conversing about something or another. It was routine.

But Viktor began to notice the crack in Yuuri’s smile, which revealed itself the more he studied it day-to-day. It became near impossible to miss, rearing its ugly head at the calmest times and at the most unpredictable moments. It was ever-present, and it drove Viktor mad.

He lightly shook Yuuri by the shoulders to grab his attention, to steal his mind for a moment. “Of course you know why I’m here. I’m here for the same reason I was there two years ago. I’m here for the same reason I was yesterday and I will be here for the same reason tomorrow. It will never change, and I’ll always be here― with you and for you.”

“H-how can you say those things? How can you throw away something― the chance with someone better for this? For me? I’m not― I’m not worth the things you say I am.”

Viktor’s heartbeat tore through his chest sending simultaneous daggers of ice and heated pain through his ribs. He now cupped both sides of Yuuri’s face carefully in his hands, desperate to keep his gaze. “Stop.”  
“Viktor, I don’t―”

“STOP,” he yelled. His voice shook through the quiet bedroom, settling in the walls. He rarely raised his voice, “I won’t let you say these things about yourself.”  
“But―”

“Get up, Yuuri.” Viktor helped him cautiously to his feet and into his arms. They waddled together to the bed and sat on the edge, the bottoms of Yuuri’s feet barely brushing the floor. Viktor held out his hand and let him fold their palms together. He rests his other hand on top of theirs and stroked a thumb over the raven-haired boy’s shaking wrist, humming to the tune of Lay Me Down, a song he’d heard through the crack of their bedroom door, when Yuuri sang thinking no one could hear.

“I want to know why you tell yourself these things. Please just be honest with me.”

Yuuri didn’t meet his eyes, focused intensely on a spot on the floor.  
Just breathe.

“I look at myself― and I see a failure, someone who can’t keep the weight off―” he hastily folded his arms over the slight pudge of his stomach―” someone who can’t go a day without wondering how long until they’re alone again. Cause I know you’re here, but I can’t help it―” he said quickly, turning to desperately grip the front of Viktor’s shirt―”It’s not something you have or haven’t done for me, cause God, you’ve given me more than I could ever ask for from anyone, especially someone who can have anything they want.  
“But― that’s what bothers me the most, you can have anything, anyone. Why me? Cause I look at myself and then I look at you, and I know you deserve more than anything I could ever give you. And it makes me wonder why you settled for this.”

The tears fell again, even wetness spilled from the corners of Viktor’s eyes and slid down his face. Yuuri freed his hands from his grip to bring them to Viktor’s cheeks, wiping away the droplets and tear tracks with his thumbs with a deep, quivering frown. 

“No no no, no no, it’s okay. Don’t do this Vitya, please don’t cry.” Viktor sobbed silently, choking on small gasps of air between mewls. He made a weak attempt to hold Yuuri by the waist, but his arms were too tired to stay in the air, so he let them rest loosely on the tops of his thighs.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier, that― that I made you feel this way? How could you lie to me?” He brought a hand up to cling to his shirt over his heart, punctuating the “I”.

“Because I knew you would blame yourself for the way I think about myself. And I can’t, even for a second, let you believe that any of this is your fault.”

“But I let you think, after all this time― that I only saw you like something to hold someone else’s place and not the love of my life. I need to be better to you, to show you more how much I can’t live without you next to me.”

Viktor felt ghostly breaths hitting his nose, realizing how close they really were.  
“But you’ve always done that. I’ve never been unsatisfied with how much you cared for me. This never came from any lack of affection, you’ve done everything for me. This has come from years of being pushed aside and people not sticking around, don’t you understand? This is not a monster you created, it’s one that's always existed, even before you and it’s always taken over me. 

“I’ve never lived a day without believing I might die alone, but you’ve made it harder to think that. And I never want to think the same I did before I met you ever again.”

He finished with a shallow breath, his hands still caressing the plumpest parts of Viktor’s cheeks, now tacky with dried tears. Viktor let out a chuckle, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, then taking the palm of Yuuri’s hand in his and kissing his knuckles. His voice was still wet and choked as he spoke.

“That sounds a lot like a marriage proposal, don’t you think?”

“Then marry me, Viktor.”

It was like all the sound in the room was sucked out instantly, only silence clogging the air. Viktor was sure he stopped breathing, unable to take in air into his lungs, though he didn’t even feel the need to. It was all too real. Was this really happening? He kept his eyes on Yuuri’s chocolatey golden irises, completely losing the memory of his limbs and surroundings, only able to see Yuuri’s face.

“What?”

“For the rest of my life, Viktor, stay with me. Stay with me and I can breathe.”

A single tear slipped from the crease of his eye, dripping off his jaw and hitting his shoe with a tiny plip.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my entire life. Everything has led me to this moment and I don’t regret any of it anymore. I could never, ‘cause it brought me to you. Will you marry me?”

There was a hesitant space between them, pregnant with heavy silence and tension. Yuuri’s brows scrunched together and his uncertain smile dropped, seemingly hearing the no in Viktor’s answer before anything was said.

“I’m―”

“Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you!”

All the feeling came back when fat tears rolled down Yuuri’s face in streams, soaked up by the cotton of Victor’s shirt in splotchy wet stains. Yuuri pulled back to meet Viktor’s mouth with a long but chaste kiss, enough to bask in the emotions of the moment as Viktor gripped him by his squishy sides under his shirt. They pulled apart for Yuuri to speak.

“I was so scared, I thought you might say no. Oh God, I was so scared.”

Another kiss. “You didn’t have to be.”  
“I didn’t ruin it by crying, did I?”  
“No, of course not, Lyubov moya.”

Viktor pulled back in for another kiss, as they fell back onto the sheets. “Do you have rings yet?”

“Oh, right! I almost forgot!” Yuuri bolted back up, practically vaulting off the bed to run to the closet and sift through a drawer in the bottom of the dresser inside. He extracted a velvet, navy box and held it in the air like he was admiring a gem, smiling at the sight of Viktor’s wide, dopey grin.

“Here, I hope you like it.”  
“I will, even if it’s a ring pop. Although, I might eat it before the ceremony.”

Yuuri fought the weird urge to suppress a chuckle, now free to laugh without fear of being obnoxious in front of his fiancé. Viktor took the box in his hands and cradled it carefully, as though the entire thing were made of glass that would shatter if breathed on too hard.

“Are you going to open it, Vitya?”  
“Yes, I just― it’s too real.”  
“If you want to say no you―”  
“NO!” He was quick to shout, his arm shooting out to grab ahold of Yuuri’s forearm. “I mean― no. I just love it so much.”  
Yuuri faintly smiled and chuckled at that. “You haven’t even seen it yet, you dork.”

Carefully, slowly, he pulled up the lid, listening to the dull creak of the hinges and keeping his eyes closed until it was on full display.

“I wanted it to be kind of simple, something you could wear with anything. But I didn’t know if that’s what you wanted or if you did want a big diamond and―”  
He marveled at it openly, eyes wide with shock.  
“It’s more perfect than I ever could have imagined it would be, I love it. I love you.”

Yuuri beamed bashfully. “I― I’m glad.”

The ring was a simple golden band with tiny diamonds laid in neat little lines and swirls over the top, all meeting at the center around a slightly larger diamond. Tucked next to it, a matching one.  
Yuuri silently took Viktor’s hand in his with the ring and slipped it on his slim finger, observing how it glimmered in the light as he rotated it.

“Let me put on yours.” Viktor reached for the box again, taking out the second one and sliding it on Yuuri’s finger with amazement.

“You’re my fiancé, Yuuri Katsuki.”  
“Yes―” he laughed, a hand flying up to cover his mouth―” I am.”

Viktor pointed his free hand to himself in dazed wonder. “And I’m your fiancé.”  
“Yes.”

“Wow.” He grinned from ear to ear down at his lap, then back up to meet Yuuri’s eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to be Viktor Katsuki”  
“Well, I can always be Yuuri Nikiforov.” He smiled, looking down with endearment.  
“No, I’m taking your name. My last name doesn’t matter, I have no one left in my family.”  
“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be―” he stood, pulling him into a gentle hug by his lovehandles and resting his chin in the between Yuuri’s jaw and collar―” Because now I have you.”


End file.
